Penelope Cruz presents Best Foreign Language Film (with a Spanish accent!). The Oscar goes to Die Fälscher, the Austrian nominee. Let's hear that accent, dude. He talks about Nazis. Hollywood loves that, that's why the movie won.
Patrick Dempsey presents the third song nominated from Enchanted. You know what this means? Bathroom break!
John Travolta presents Best Original Song. The Oscar goes to the song from Once. So the Enchanted-guys were right, their multiple nominations cancelled each other out. The winners are really happy. The guy may be Irish, but I'm really bad at placing English accents. And the poor girl didn't get to say anything, the orchestra had already started.
Steven Spielberg-retrospective to lead us into commercials. Time-check: 04.50am. By the way, "Resident Evil" sounds better with the ominous, mystical promotional trailer announcement voice than "Madagascar".
Jon Stewart gets the Best Song - girl back onto the stage, so she can also say her thankyous. Awww (by the way, this is "awwww" number three of the night, for those of you who are counting).
Cameron Diaz presents Achievement in Cinematography. The Oscar goes to There Will Be Blood. Dude was nominated for Goodnight and Good Luck, but didn't win. He's thanking people in a medium boring way. Not funny, no accent, but not yawn-inducing.
Hillary Swank presents the "Geez, all these people died last year?"-montage. Names I actually recognized: Ingmar Bergman. Heath Ledger. They didn't show Brad Renfro, which is kinda mean. He was even younger than Ledger!
Commercials. Classy timing. Time-check: 5.05am CET.
Amy Adams presents Best Original Score. The Oscar goes to Atonement. I'm starting to notice that these people are all white. All of them. All categories, almost all nominees (except for Ruby Dee). I guess I shouldn't be surprised, should I? The winner is boring, by the way. He has an accent, but I can't place it, so no bonus points for him, sorry.
Tom Hanks presents a satellite video connection to Bagdad. Soldiers are presenting Best Documentary, I think. Could be Short Documentary. Treehouse won. Two women who are very happy and hug Tom Hanks. One of them talks a lot and cries, the other woman says something about 38 minutes, so I think this was indeed for Short Documentary.
Ah, now Tom Hanks presents Best Documentary Feature. Iraq or American Healthcare? The suspense! And the Oscar goes to Taxi to the Dark Side. So neither Iraq nor American Healthcare - Afghanistan and Guantánamo it is!
Retrospective to lead us into commercials, this time with Elton John. Time-check: 5.20am CET.
Harrison Ford presents Best Original Screenplay. I'm rooting for Juno, since I have actually seen Juno. Probably Michael Clayton, though. And the Oscar goes to Diablo Cody for Juno! Yay!! This will probably stay the biggest win for Juno tonight, the competition's just too tough (i.e., too dark and serious). Diablo Cody used to be a stripper and she looks exactly like someone who used to be a stripper. But she's cute and she thanks the appropriate people and sheds a few tears. Awww (number 4!).
Commercials. Wtf? Time-check 5.25am CET.
Best Leading Actor retrospective means it is time for Best Leading Actor, I guess. Presenter is last year's Best Leading Actress, Helen Mirren. I'm gonna say Daniel Day-Lewis will take this one. No suspense there. Let's make it official - the Oscar goes to Daniel Day-Lewis. Wonder if he'll dedicate it to Heath Ledger (whom he did not know personally) again? Nope, all the appropriate people are thanked (wife, director, etc.). Especially Paul Thomas Anderson (the director, I think?) and also daddy and grandpa. Who would've thought such an eccentric actor could be so boring?
Commercials. Again. Time-check: 05.35am CET. The commercials really aren't too bad, by the way. The last few have consisted solely of trailers of Oscar nominated movies. So I was able to actually get an idea about the ones I haven't seen (which would be all but Juno).
Director retrospective. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say, that it may be time for Best Director. And hey, I'm right! Martin Scorsese, who won last year (finally!) gets to present. And the Oscar goes to Joel Coen and Ethan Coen! Wow, good night for these two. Which one of them is married to Frances McDormand (the lead in Fargo) again? I'll have to check. Ah, it's Joel. Now is that the shorter or the taller one? Ok, I looked it up. It's the tall one. All righty then.
Denzel Washington presents Best Picture (damn, he looks old!). I'm guessing No Country For Old Men will take it, after the run the Coens had. And the Oscar goes to No Country For Old Men! Up on the stage, for a third time, the Coen brothers and some other producers. One of them talks a LOT. But this was the last award, so no Orchestra of Doom.
Stewart says goodbye. It's over. And I guess I'm off to bed! I don't think anyone will ever read this, but it was fun to write! My gift to me, or something.
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3 comments:
I read the entire thing (yes, every single word) and am impressed by your ability to type that quickly that late at night (or early in the morning). Awesome job! Looking for a career change here, huh?
Hehe, Danke für die Blumen!:-) I'm impressed you read it all!
A career change would definitely be more fun than my thesis. Do you know anyone who'd pay me for this stuff?
Actually, yes! Just sell it on the internet, like those smart Indians!
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